


Nothing Compares

by Muffindragon227



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Avatar Arc (Fairy Tail), F/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 13:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11579235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muffindragon227/pseuds/Muffindragon227
Summary: He’s holding onto something that use to be there. Hoping that one day it might come back…. only he knows it won’t.





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote that has since been abandoned but thought I'd share with you anyways. There's technically three parts, but the first two can stand alone and don't really try to have plot to them, the third not so much so I'm just leaving it at these two.

Gray wakes in the early hours of the morning, a layer of cold sweat covering his body, and his heart is hammering against his chest. His breath comes in short gasps and he can feel the stiff trail of dried tears on his cheeks. Instinctively he looks at the empty space beside him and panics. 

He’s half dressed and lurching across the room before he remembers. Remembers that she’s not supposed to be there. It’s been almost a month but when he wakes like this he forgets. Forgets that she’s not with him, and that he left her behind. 

It’s moments like this when he questions whether he made the right choice, because he can’t deny that he misses her.

He swears he can still feel her warmth and remember with perfect clarity the gentle caressing touch she would use to sooth him. He remembers the way she would look, how she’d be wide awake within moments and the way her ocean blue eyes would soften. Her pale skin would be illuminated by the moon, or sometimes by the first rays of the sun and he swears she glowed. She’d be perched beside him at first; always conscious of giving him space, allowing him time to come back to reality. And then, as his breathing would even out, she would reach out. Her fingers would feather against his skin, along his arm or back, whatever was within her reach, until he would give into the tenderness of her touch. 

He’d practically throw himself against her some nights, while others he’d grip her and pull her into him. He fought it at first, but in the end he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t keep his distance, not physically or emotionally. 

That’s why he had to leave. 

He’d written her a million excuses, all scribbled hastily on a single piece of paper in the predawn light. He’d listed every rational reason he could think. Told her how it wasn’t safe, how it wasn’t fair and how he couldn’t focus if he had to worry about someone else.  But the single truth was that he’d grown comfortable with her and it scared him. 

He’d been so busy fighting against all the over the top public displays and declarations he’d completely missed all the small changes. Suddenly he was waking up with her nestled in his embrace, his fingers would seek to touch her without reason, and hugs and hand holding offered warmth and comfort. And he started to wonder what it would be like to kiss her, to let his touches wander farther, to truly give in. Somehow she’d found a way to seep through all his defenses until he found himself wanting and needing her in ways he swore he never would.

Gray sighed and fell back onto the bed and stared out the window behind it. The sun had yet to break on the horizon but the sky was clear of clouds. It was going to be a sunny day, and his gut twisted with guilt and disdain. He remembered how just over an hour after leaving her the sky had suddenly darkened and he’d had to wait for his train in the pouring rain. He swore the storm had followed him, but after a week it relented. 

At first it he was relieved but now.... now he wondered where she was. He wondered if she was okay, and if the rain still followed her. Deep down he knew it would, and that it was his fault. He’d crossed a line that day, and no matter how much he told himself it was for her own good he couldn’t help but feel like he’d abandoned her. 

The suns rays stung his eyes and he cursed himself, because he didn’t deserve to see the light when he’d left her behind in the darkness. 

He released another sigh and forced himself to get up and finish dressing before heading out. Laying around wouldn’t do any good, and he couldn’t undo what he’d done. Besides, maybe now she’d move on and find someone worthy of bringing sunshine into her life. Lyon sprang to mind and he fought back a wave of nausea, telling himself it was just hunger. 

He’d go buy breakfast in a few hours once businesses started to open, and he’d try to convince himself it was just as good as anything she cooked, because what right did he have to miss her?


	2. Storms

The rain falls in a steady downpour as he rushes from cover to cover trying desperately not to get soaked. It’s an impossible mission and finally he stops under a shop awning for a brief respite. He quickly realizes he’s lost his shirt somewhere along the way and curses himself for it as he shivers slightly. 

Normally the cold doesn’t bother him, but the rain has a way of seeping into his skin and taking the cold bone deep. 

It unsettles him a little, because the storm reminds him of her, and the day they first met. In his mind the rain was warm then, not bitter and chilled. But perhaps that was just her. 

He shivers again and rubs his arms against his bare skin for warmth. 

A brief flash of a pink umbrella catches his attention from the corner of his eye and he instantly focuses on it. Only it’s not her umbrella, it’s plain with a white ruffle on the edge and little gems hanging from it. Gray shakes his head. The oddest things remind him of her lately, and he's stopped denying how badly he misses her. 

He’d forgotten how much he used to spend on clothes and food, how quiet life was before she came along. He’d forgotten how much he use to dwell on everything. For the last two years he’d rarely had a moment alone. She'd been a constant presence, and while her over the top affection often annoyed him, he’d learned to enjoy the more peaceful moments between them. He never realized just how intertwined their lives were until she was no longer there. 

Now his life had been thrown off kilter, and his mind fills her absence with thoughts of her. 

Everything triggers memories, and he feels haunted by ghost touches and the sound of her voice. Every girl with blue hair draws his attention; causing his heart to race with equal parts hope and anxiety. That is until he realizes it isn't her. A few times though, he'd been convinced it  _ was _ her. It only ever ended with awkward apologies though. None of them were Juvia, and he'd long since stopped trusting his eyes on the matter. 

It was stupid anyways. Even if they had been her what good would it have done him? Nothing had changed, he was still in the same place and there was nothing he could say to her that wouldn't betray his original intent. He had no idea why he was so desperate to catch a glimpse of her anyways. Perhaps as a way to ease his guilt, reassure him that, if nothing else, she was alive. But she was strong, and more than capable so surely she was fine. 

The rain wasn't letting up and Gray knew that he'd need to head back out into it soon, he had a client to meet after all. 

Another thing he missed, Juvia had been good about managing their money and even with two of them they hadn't needed to go on half as many jobs to get by. 

As he steps towards the edge of the awning he swears he can feel someone watching him. He looks about for the source only to spot the pink umbrella again, further down but turned more in his direction, and beneath it he swears he can see locks of blue hair. 

He shakes his head and wipes the water from his face. A part of his heart demands that he has to check, because it couldn't just be coincidence right? But he’s not sure he can handle the heart wrenching disappointment that was sure to occur again. It was never her.

He looks back at the figure again, one last longing glance. He’s unsure if it’s the rain that’s distorted her features, or just wishful thinking, but the stranger looked so much like Juvia at this distance. He was tempted and his heart whispered "just one more time". 

But Gray was never one to heed his heart. If he was he would still be with her, and not just imagining she was within reach. He turns from the girl and steps out into the storm. Ice cold droplets pelt his skin and he forces himself to hurry down the road in the opposite direction of the phantom woman he'd been so enraptured with. 

Inside his heart was aching and he knew he'd dream of her tonight. Because in his dreams it was ALWAYS Juvia. 


End file.
